I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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