does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I understand Curling. That high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
