She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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