just survived the first fart of the relationship.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
