Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
