It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
