SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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