i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize