my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
