apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
