new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
