Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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