A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
