I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
