3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
