That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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