I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
