There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he thought i was a dude.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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