when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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