Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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