I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
