a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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