I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
