he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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