Please don't use social media to get back at me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
