please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
