Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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