i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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