Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
