I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
