We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
