im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
