Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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