the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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