when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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