Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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