I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
