i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
