as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
zippers are such a cool invention
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
