I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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