this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
