he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
