So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
