just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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