Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
