Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
