I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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