hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
