Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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