So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize