dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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