woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
