This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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