You're my little dorito
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
