i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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