Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
