Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
