Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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