you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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