I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize