sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
