so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
