I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
