i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
