So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
