I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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