i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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