In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
