she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
