hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im drinking this country out of the recession.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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