New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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