some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
