Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
