I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize