I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
