That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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