he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
