You're my little dorito
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
