Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
