and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize