he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
