I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its not stalking. its research.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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