Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize