So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love accidental penises.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
