the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
