Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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