Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
