Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
