Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize